Late Xmas, job ops, a rant and a new friend

Ok, so I had a wonderful birthday and Christmas. Got a bunch of Amazon cards. Used them to start a Link cosplay. Already have boots, gloves, pants and a Hyrule Warriors scarf. Next parts ordered are a tunic/hat/arm guards bundle, ears, bandolier and Master Sword replica. Due to sales, free shipping and gift cards, everything was covered for and essentially free. I only had to pay $9.17 out of my pocket for the Master Sword. I also got The Adventure Begins finally. While not perfect it's still wonderful.

Good news- my job assessment went well and I got paid. My only issue is punctuality on getting back to the folks I'm working with. Gonna use the money on repairing my replacement 3DS, then give it to my brother since I give up waiting for a lower priced, non-bundles small N3DS. Thanks for being cheap jackasses, NoA!

Bad news- My folks kept forgetting to put my fucking money back in the bank, and with FASFA taxes coming up again soon, I've got like no money for them to use. Use your own damn money, Mom and Dad! You wasted mine on your idiotic taxes! I need that for shit in 2016! And thanks to you I now can't afford a VIP ticket at SPWF16. Also my great aunt Ginia passed away earlier today. She was in hospice and struggling with Alzheimer's.

Now, if you don't mind, a mini rant on the lack of common sense in folks I once considered friends and acquaintances.

By now, if you've read previous journals and DA upload descriptions, you'll be aware of my cutoff from MudflapArts, and how I have no memory of what she claims to have happened. The only perverted moments I remember were both on her behalf. Her views may or may not have been corrupted by Social Justice Warriors of Tumblr, and the fake, third wave radical feminists that make up the Gender Studies major at University of Toronto.

This year alone, I have become aware of three cutoffs in a similar vein- a person I was close with was deeply offended by me in some way I did not interpret to be offensive and refuses to open back up. I won't be afraid to divulge details of the situation here since none of these people care about me anymore. First is Mudflap- you know the story. Then comes Crudecuttlefish. I was once close with this SFM user. Very close. I won't lie- we were in a mutual crush, which at times got very nsfw. At one point it got to be too much and we split. We tried again later. Didn't last long. She had a depression of her own which scrambled her memories of us. She thought I said I had gotten over her when in reality I'd told her, prior to trying again with a relationship, that I hadn't. She no longer could picture us together. The way she worded it resulted in misinterpretation, depression and my attempt at dieting and improving myself. She was busier now, with a new job, having graduated and looking to buy a new house for herself.

I was working hard, determined to prove myself to her to try and win her back somehow. It backfired. Suddenly she became even busier. And I'm using the term lightly here. She had just gotten a new computer and was fucking around with it, and playing Undertale- a time-consuming RPG. Um, excuse me? You have no time between work and trying to get a new place to talk to me, but enough to fuck around with Undertale? Where's the logic, man? It really upset me and confused me. I addressed it. She guilt-tripped me about holding onto my feelings for her and said she'd never be romantically attracted to me again. Cue the cutoff.

Now we move onto the last of these apparent dimwits who can't fix friendship issues properly- LoonyOwl. Yeah, that's right. The one I used to praise so much for his writing, and stick up for after the FNAFF pun art. He apparently interpreted my sticking up for him as guilt tripping him? What????

What makes me really frosted about these cutoffs is that they are all the result of a misunderstanding, and apparent lack of a will to speak up. If I am doing something wrong that is making you upset or uncomfortable, FUCKING TELL ME, you morons. Have you ever heard of talking things out like an adult? If I'm doing something wrong, tell me. I am a person who is not always aware of if what he says or does is right or wrong, or making someone feel like shit. Now, while I do not remember being inappropriate around Mudflap, the same policy applies. You should always talk things out if they're not going right. Isn't that part of what being friends is all about- helping one another out? If you talk to me about what I'm doing, I will now be aware of it, and do my best to correct my behavior so that there is no conflict or discomfort, and that we can continue on being friends.

With Crudecuttlefish, it was more about me overdoing the lewd flirting and whatnot. She neglected to tell me right away, and she admitted to that. I forgave her for that, and she forgave me for what I did. But even then, I still got cut off later? And why? Because of a conflict in feelings. Her depression changed how she felt about me while I held on the whole time, in the hope that we could still make things work some day. She became busier, colder and more distant. I didn't want to lose her. That's why I held on. She had been an ideal partner for me at the time. She was smart, mature, had more life experience than me. I thought that's what I sought in another person- this was partly due to Devious Weasel's headcanon for a humanized Den and Dart living together- with Dart helping him out with certain things. It sounded like the kind of thing I would want, since I still have trouble maturing. But in the end, taking my message about having time for Undertale but not friends who still have feelings way too seriously was the catalyst for a cutoff. This was truly traumatizing for me as I really cared about her. But even with the trauma and cutoff, I still have attempted to make peace by sending her a heartfelt apology and happy holiday/birthday wishes. No reply. I guess that settles that matter then. She won't give me another chance, even though she blew it by blowing an upset and confused text out of proportion.

And now LoonyOwl. Somehow, he's misinterpeted my little rants about how other Thomas fans fucked things up for him by over reacting to a silly pun. I was legitimately concerned for the lad. He was a big inspiration for me. His artwork was brilliant as was his writing. I only had the best in mind for him- that's why I ranted. I was sticking up for you dude.

While I would like apologies from all these people from horribly misinterpreting me and treating me horribly in this sort of respect, at the same time, I know I most likely never will. So guess what? Fuck the lot of you. Fuck yourselves in the ass with a goddamn cactus. You've treated me poorly, and now I will treat you all in the same way. Not so fun when it's an eye for an eye, is it? I repeat- if I am misbehaving or you are interpreting what I'm doing as something I'm not seeing the same way, you must, please, tell me. I am a man who struggles with socialization, and cues like this are a key element for me to retain my friendships with people and improve myself as a person.

I believe that the smart mature thing to do is to talk things out, because running away doesn't fix it- it only further enables the behavior because you neglected to make me aware of my wrongdoing asap. In fact, this ought to be common sense for any friendship, regardless of one's mental status. So, don't come crawling back to me now, because now I have no desire to want you back. Treating me like this, leaving me in the dark about how I am to you, is a major fucking stab in the back. You have betrayed me. You've lied to me by not speaking up. You are not the person you led me to believe you were. You all should be deeply ashamed of yourselves. Unless you can somehow attone for your mistreatment of me; admit your own mistakes and wrongdoings, your own misunderstandings and your failures to fix a friendship problem the way it should be done, I do not want you back. I don't want any apologies unless they are most sincere.

Now then, with that out of the way, I have some more positive news. Dealing with the trauma left behind by Cuttlefish has been difficult. But, I'm coping in a way I feel is most helpful. You all know how nutty I am when it comes to canon about anything- be it Thomas, Legend of Zelda, or Dragon Ball. Well, very recently, over on my new forum hangout- Zelda Universe, I met someone wonderful. I met someone very much like me- a nut about canon.

This user, a girl by the moniker of Linkle, after the recently revealed Hyrule Warriors Legends character whom was previously only in concept artwork, is a self-proclaimed Hyrule Historian and theorist. She dedicated an entire year into researching The Shadow Temple from Ocarina of Time, and formulated her own theory on its origins and the Hylian Civil War, I think, and she had an enormous amount of evidence to back her up. And from her theory came the idea that there was yet another unexplored Link- this time one born in between the Skyward Prequel and Skyward Sword- a Link who was miraculously born into the Sheikah Tribe (all Hylians at the time were sent skyward), and unfrotunately, taken prisoner and tortured to an eventual demise. She's also written a fan fiction based on it, and one character whom I cannot recall the name of, bares a resemblance to The Master from Classic Doctor Who. Purely concidental however as she has never watched Classic Who before, only New Who. The theory and fanfic came partially as a result of a first-person dream she had with these characters. Anyway, they're both brilliantly written imo. You can read her theory on the Zelda Universe forums, and her fanfic- titled "Within Shadows" on fanfiction.net, if you so wish.

Anyway, aside from doing that, User Linkle has been nothing but a blessing for me. I was worried she might not talk to me- at the time I found her, she had been crowned the forum user of the week and everyone was praising her. But she did. And she and I have shared very similar, if not identical, views on the series and its canon. We enjoy theorizing together, and she's one of the only other people I have met who have legitimately enjoyed the story of Hyrule Warriors. Together, the two of us have been digging up evidence to try and prove its suggested ties to the canon timeline, and discussing what we think could have improved the story itself. She's shared her views with me on everything from the BS Satellaview titles, the unexplored Links, reincarnation of the main trio (Link, Hylia/Zelda, Demise/Ganon[dorf], any other form of evil). And she, like me, also loves the Skyward Sword manga and considers it canon.

And she's done nothing but shower me with her love and kindness throughout this. We've bonded so quickly that we've actually begun a slow and stead long-distance relationship. It's rather similar to when I had one with Devious Weasel. There's no lewdness or dirty talk. Relationships with the nsfw stuff are the ones that tend to hurt me. When things didn't work for me and Rusty, he stayed one of best friends on the site, and off. Linkle and I have agreed that things have gone so well with us that if things don't work out, she will still be there for me, to listen, help, be my friend. I find relationships like this, where there's one of us without the sexual urges or frustrations I feel, that it's easier to bond to them, and to stay friends with them after it's over. They're the kind of relationships I think work best for me so far, and they're ones that I can truly treasure, because they- both Rusty and Linkle, have understood me so amazingly well. So, I have a feeling that things are going to start looking up again now.